What's in a Name?

I need a new name. Why? C’mon, I’ve had this moniker for over 64 years now—I’m bored. Seriously.

Given that this name weariness shit comes up periodically, it’s probably a good idea to come up with a list and turn it into a searchable database. Also, this needs to be a name with some heft and ponderosity. Ya know, a name that’ll announce my presence with authority. Okay, maybe not so much authority as strong and forceful absurdity.

• Cataclysm, Creator of Dissonance and Harshosity

• Divinity the Candy Devourer

• Excalibur T. Fortuna

• Fluffy von Cat Butt

• Leonid, of the Small Gaseous Meteoroids

• Petulance, Patron Saint of Irritability

• Sparkles the Mood Killer

• Thunderhead, Destroyer of Dust Bunnies and Marshmallow Peeps

• Trixie, Baffler of Fuckheads

• Trostlos the Unconsolable

• Watery Tart, the Sword Bringer

Some of these names just won’t work for obvious reasons.

Fluffy von Cat Butt? Not being covered with ultra fine downy hair and generally lacking any sort of glitzy fripperies, I am not credibly a Fluffy.

Thunderhead, Destroyer of Dust Bunnies and Marshmallow Peeps? Great and appropriate name BUT it’s too damn long. Filling out forms at the hospital would be a nightmare for me AND the office staff. Maybe I could just go by Thunderhead. I mean, using just one name works for Cher, Madonna and Bono. Why not me?

Watery Tart, the Sword Bringer? I could run into copyright issues with Monty Python.

Excalibur T. Fortuna? (The T, by the by, stands for Thunderhead, of course) The problem with this name, and this really isn’t maybe a biggie, is that what I really want as a name is the awe inspiring sound of the "O Fortuna" movement from Carl Orff's cantata, Carmina Burana. It MIGHT be a bit difficult for the nurses who call my name when I’m in the waiting room. I’m guessing they’d need to collect the whole nursing and aid crew (maybe a few docs too), hand out sheet music and perform this a cappella.

Mind you, I’m deaf so it’s not like I’d hear 'em anyway.

I might need to think through this name change a bit more before I make any decisions.